A Journey of Unlayering
I was just beginning to plan how to write this story when I realized that for me, it is no longer about the mind but letting the heart lead.
I opened my Shamanic Oracle, and it drew me the “Journey” card. There are no coincidences, right?
“The Shamanic Journey begins when you have a shift of consciousness and the desire to discover your inner self, missing parts of the soul, the ancestors, healing, lost power or your power animals. By removing yourself from the ordinary, everyday, logical thinking you can discover a whole new way of being.”
I never knew how to define my “calling” until now, and this revelation is quite accurate.
Shift of Consciousness
A year ago or so, I believed I had everything I desired: a well-paid job, a nice apartment, an upcoming wedding, and aspirations of attending a prestigious Ivy League university.
I come from an interfaith household that allowed me to build my faith without adhering to any specific religion, and my Indigenous Shinto-Buddhist traditions were a constant presence during my upbringing.
However, not sharing most of the Catholic faith practices as other kids around me and even being pointed at as a “witch” led me to feeling Othered and segregated, and eventually forced me to rely solely on logic, gradually feeling shame for embodying my faith and surrendering to the big society’s cynical expectations: success, fame and fortune.
Was I truly living my “dreamed life?”
I am now part of a group of diverse souls, united in embodying a calling that is leading us deep into our hearts to learn how to be human again.
The Creator will always find a way to remove us from what is not meant for us. For me, this meant the dissolution of the very logical and shield-based mould I had created.
My Elders repeated constantly that “He had bigger plans for me,” but when everything I had built around myself turned into pieces, I barely remembered who I was.
The Desire to Discover Your Inner Self
When you have nothing to hold onto and are falling into gloom, there are two ways to face the necessity of dealing with sorrow. You can fill your calendar with friends and events to hide your wounds. Or you can trust the Great Mystery and prepare for the painful but beautiful journey of unlayering your heart.
I believe in our modern world, we create several layers to cope with daily life. We manage to always be busy, to think we are self-sufficient. We pretend nothing needs to be healed inside and we let the ego lead our ways. How to begin the shed?
I started from what was familiar and resonant: plant medicine. The challenge with plant medicine is that the Spirits reveal to you what you need to heal, not just what you think you want to heal. The Spirit of Wachuma reminded me of my relationship with nature, the power within my heart, and that I am always welcome and deserving of the Creator’s love.
Since that day, everything began to change. I quit my job, booked a retreat at an Alberta Wildhorse ranch, and embarked on an unplanned adventure.
Before leaving home, an Elder told me, “Your feet are sacred to God; they will take you to bless your path in His name.”
With only the conviction of being guided by the Creator and the Spirits, I ended up traveling through 19 countries in six months, living among various religions, cultures, and traditions and appreciating their willingness to share their abundance with me as I shed the old, but more importantly, reclaimed the parts missed of my soul.
A Whole New Way of Being
I left Peru to spend time in Alberta so I could remember my connection to the All, and especially to the spirit of horses. I crossed to the United Kingdom to end up singing in Leed’s Art Gallery and remembering that I was not meant to be always in the background. I learned in Manchester that all humans need to go back to feeling rather than producing, and I learned from the Celts in Edinburgh that being called a “Witch” is just meant to mean “healer.” I was a healer.
I prayed to the fire to purge my soul every morning in India. I learned to be grounded through my own body in Rishikesh. I transformed my definition of life and death in Varanasi and faced my mind in a Vipassana in Bihar. I learned how to stop seeking and start receiving in Oman and I respectfully listened to Muslim prayers in Abu-Dhabi. I continued walking through lands learning and surrendering to multiple ways of the creation.
Photo provided by Andrea Tsugawa
Despite how this journey may sound fun, integrating powerful soul lessons is never easy, nor ever ended.
After this odyssey back to my essence, I promised myself that I would no longer be indifferent to violence or selfishness through my work and energy, and that changes you. In this whole new way of being, my deepest desire was to live faithfully and purposefully.
After struggling to decide how to navigate this new path, I saw a red bird perched on a tree branch outside my window. I felt compelled to Google “Vancouver Schools,” and VST was the first result. There are no coincidences, but honestly, the term “Christian school” sounded a little terrifying, as I had never been positively close to institutional religion, and for several centuries the scripture and God’s words were wrongly used to strip me and my people of their identity.
“If it sounds crazy, but you still feel like doing it, it’s probably God,” said a professor recently. That was exactly how I felt about completing my admission. Though I thought my journey was ending, a new chapter was just beginning. Part of helping this new being grow was taking the chance to make peace with the Bible and the Church, to reconcile my story and my people’s story with God.
Despite the first weeks of classes being challenging, bringing to the surface wounds mixed with anger, frustration, and sadness due to not feeling a sense of belonging among Christians, I soon realized that healing was necessary to walk faithfully within a diverse interfaith community. Healing always starts with oneself, especially if it involves shedding core teachings once assumed to be firm for the soul. No matter how done we think we are, there is never one belief over the other, and to find that true heartfelt space we need to make room for questioning, change, and compassion. Then we will find again our true colors.
Everyday, I am constantly finding new ways to deconstruct myself and break inner walls that are no longer needed to be truly heartfelt. This does not mean forgetting my traditions, nor who I am, just that I am making my faith stronger and truthful, rebuilding my colour palette in a new order and adding some new shades. Writing these words as quite a different human than I was a year ago fills me with immense gratitude to the Creator, to myself, and to that little red bird sent by the Mother. I am now part of a group of diverse souls, united in embodying a calling that is leading us deep into our hearts to learn how to be human again.
But yet we know our journeys are never ended, right?
Andrea Tsugawa grew up in Lima, Peru before Creator led her to Canada and eventually to VST, where she is pursuing a Master of Arts in Indigenous and Inter-religious Studies. In her free time, Andrea does visual arts, connects with horses, and enjoys indoor cycling. She is listening for where Creator might lead her next. Little sun rays in her eyes, visits from small birds, and cooking for loved ones bring Andrea life.